I have been known to bring home pets without permission.
Either the creature needed me or I needed it, so it came home with me.
Now, when I see an animal and say “It needs me.” or ‘I need it.”, someone in the family chants “NO MORE PETS” like a mantra.
Once, I had a long vivid dream in which I brought home a baby elephant and had to keep moving it around to hide it.
That is how I feel now, like I am hiding an elephant.
Its name is Fear.
Rose goes back to the university tomorrow. She is packing. I am sewing.
There is tenseness in the air. She knows I am anxious.
She has bags of mask to give away for her “Circle of Safety.”
Rose knows that I am a COVID nutcase.
I need her to be my ‘wingman’ on outings. I am fiercely afraid.
I fear the virus will find us. I fear it will take someone I need and love.
I have lost enough this year.
So there is Fear looming large, like an elephant.
I am trying to hide it.
I just need to keep it in check another day and a half.
Mama Bear is hiding her elephant from Baby Bear,
because Rose has her own elephants that she hides from me.
It’s a game we play, Hide and Don’t Seek.
I don’t need my elephant and neither does Rose.