Rose in the Maze

I wish Rose were more like her dad. He never seems to internalize stress. He calmly handles emergencies, while I spin mentally and emotionally.

I call this stressing and obsessing, “getting in the maze.” There is nothing productive about going around and around about something upsetting. I have to consciously avoid going into the “maze” because it is very hard to get out of it.

When I feel my brain go into repeat mode, I shake my head to reset it and get busy doing something physical. I take walks, fold laundry, bake something, rearrange a drawer…any task that involves physical movements will do.

Both my children have the “maze tendency.” I do not know if this is due to nature or nurture. Either way, I do not want to be responsible for this unproductive response to stress. My son fights off this negative response. Rose falls right into it when things get tough and out of her control.

She called from deep inside the “maze” last night. Who can blame her? She is a double/double major and has graduation pending on two very difficult classes. One of these classes has most of its assignment points coming in after Thanksgiving break. Graduation is December 17.

Remember, Rose had a stroke in late September and missed a week of classes. She was emailing her professors from ICU. She has never slacked off.

I tried to talk her out of the “maze” but she was spinning so out-of-control I had to get off the phone and calm myself down. She then called her poor brother for support. He is her rock.

I fear for Rose’s well-being. This is too much stress for anyone. I told her to “face forward with faith”…but I know there will be a lot of fear as well.

If she does not graduate, it will get very complicated. No degree. No dorm room. I do not think these two classes are offered in the spring. I do not want to think about it.

I used to be a hard-ass, by-the-book college biology instructor at a community college. I regret that so much as I watch Rose stressing and suffering. I hope I never caused such pain to my students.

Mama Maze