What does it take to transform needy to needed?
Are you struggling to encourage agency in a child that has been enabled and coddled?
Are you now too old, too tired or too broke to keep running block for your fragile(?) child who may now be a teenager or even an adult?
I have been where you are, waiting for agency to sprout from our pampered baby.
I read something interesting in The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. Look it up if your child is addicted to the phone and internet. NOW
The life experiment named Biosphere 2 was mentioned. Since I am a biologist and plant collector, the story of the collapsing trees made total sense. In the three-acre bubble of Biosphere 2, all needs were provided. The trees grew tall, but were weak. Because there was no wind, the trees never formed stress wood that could have strengthened them. They had no stress to make them strong. The trees grew up until gravity pulled them down. Gravity cannot be avoided, even in a bubble.
Is your child inside the safety of a bubble of your making? Has your child had the opportunity to adjust to stresses in his/her environment? Have you blocked all wind, stress, anxiety, sadness, struggle?
What happens when gravity starts to pull on your weakling? Are you going to stand there and hold them up? When you die, who will be willing to be chained to your weak, coddled child?
Stress is necessary for the development of strength and resilience. Do not deny them experiences because of YOUR FEAR.
I am not preaching at you moms and dads. I am telling you to put some holes in that bubble. Let some wind in. Get yourself out and let your child see you out in the winds of reality. Struggle in front of them. Let them see that wind can be dealt with. Maybe even ask for their help. Everyone needs to feel needed.
Nobody likes needy. Not the helpless needer nor the over-burdened needed.
They will stay fragile if you do not…
LET THEM GET STRONG.
Rose is 33. Our lessons are still coming. The effects of our mistakes are still lingering.
Pop that bubble ASAP.
Seizure Mama/ Flower Roberts
Seizure Mama and Rose 
This lesson is an important one. For our family, the journey began when our daughter was 15 months old and had status. She nearly died. That was the first of many seizures that knocked us off our feet. Unfortunately there was no guidance given about the “fragile child”. I certainly could have benefitted from the information. I think some concrete examples of how this can be done – while still giving necessary support and care – would be very helpful to equip parents and reduce the potential for shame and regret at feeling like we have somehow failed. I have read tons of info about epilepsy but haven’t seen any material on how to navigate it while equipping our children to be independent and resilient. Still learning! Our daughter is now living on her own at 21 and has had to learn from many failures to take her meds, rest, etc., and to bounce back. Over the years I have given her tiny bouncy balls when she shows resilience. She has a pile of them and it’s a great way to celebrate the victories.
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If you do not have our book, you may benefit from our stories.
Seizure Mama and Rose by Flower Roberts on Amazon, etc.
Many stories are on this blog site with notes for parents.
Lessons learned the hard way.
Lots of hope.
Thank you, Anita, for your comment.
I love the bouncy ball prizes to celebrate resilience.
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