Rose gave me this handmade soap while she was home. It has a fairy, flowers and a bee on it. I will keep it on my desk. I am pretending that it is magic soap. I wish that this was true. My family needs some magic.
Rose no longer trusts her body after the stroke. Every tingle and bit of numbness causes alarm. She is back at school. She is trying to focus on her last classes before graduation. Her body is a distraction. She is afraid. Call it PTSD or paranoia, she fears another event.
If this soap were magic, I would give it to Rose to wash away her fear. It is hard to believe in science and medicine when things are left unhealed and questions left unanswered. She will have the tiny hole in her heart closed in December. She will have blood tests to see if she has hyper-coagulant blood. Maybe then she can relax.
I used to get disgusted by folks who ignored the facts and believed whatever they wanted. Now, I understand them. Sometimes reality is too harsh and harmful and it is easier to believe in fiction.
It would be wonderful if this soap was really magic. I would wash Rose and my mom and sister. They would be well and healed. Then we could do what we wanted instead of what is necessary.
I must be a realist. But, I consider tPA magic. It stopped Rose’s stroke. It worked just as well as a magic wand. I will be forever grateful for that.
Still, I will sniff my magic soap and dream of a time with no worries.
Flower/Seizure Mama/Stroke Mama