Then and Now for Chapter 20: Drug Changes Change Rose
This period of time will always come back vividly due to the fear I felt every minute of every day. “Things fell apart. Months were a blur.” this chapter says. We were panicked by Rose’s decline. All we had were strong seizures and horrible side effects. I did not want to take my eyes off of her, but I was cracking up inside. Something had to give.
I have had to ask myself some hard questions about this stretch of Rose’s epilepsy. Why did we go along for so long? I am trying to be honest and careful here because I know some of you may be going through similar experiences.
When do you bail water or bail out? I think we bailed water too long here. Why? Ignorance and insecurity. We did not know what to do to help Rose, so we did what the doctor told us. A few hand slaps from a doctor makes one hesitant to argue. I was trying to study drugs and other treatments that I could barely understand. I had to trust somebody else to know what to do. But the doctor did not see Rose lying on the couch all day, listless and pail. She did have to support her as she walked. She did not hear her voice flatten and her eyes flutter.
If you are this scared of the drugs or the doctor, bail out.
GET A SECOND OPINION.
Tell them Flower sent you.
I cringe when I remember this period. If we had continued on this path, I am not sure that the Rose we have today would even exist now.