I have seen that elephant.
The one that nobody wanted to acknowledge.
The one everyone is now talking about.
I saw it over two decades ago.
In my carport.
I will never forget it.
Its name is SUDEP.
I chased it away by beating on Rose’s back.
I thought she had aspirated vomit.
I threw her four-year-old little body across my knees
and beat on her back. It was a hard beating. I was afraid.
She was blue. She was not breathing. Was she dead?
Her seizure had marched across her whole body.
That seizure parade took over 45 minutes.
The elephant came at the end, instead of Santa or a firetruck.
When I laid her on the floor of my van to start CPR,
a deep breath entered Rose’s chest.
The elephant left us.
That was her first ever non-febrile seizure.
The elephant was Epilepsy’s welcoming committee.
Now everybody knows to look out for it.
Damn elephant!
Seizure Mama
Seizure Mama and Rose 
Our nights are cursed by the fear of this elephant. My son sleeps in our bedroom right between papa and mama so that if this elephant comes we would be able to chase it away. I realise now that I must get a training on CPR…
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It is tough to be vigilant 24/7. Abbey slept with me for months at a time during the drug transitions. Otherwise no one would have slept. Bless you Mama Khadija. I think of you often.
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