The folks who know us best will notice omissions in our book.
There are missing stories.
I see no point in sharing them with our fragile and frazzled audience.
Some are painful while others are pointless.
There are stories of folks doing the wrong thing or nothing.
Why should I shame people for trying to do what they think they can do
or not trying to do what they know they cannot do.
There is so much forgiveness in my heart that I even have some left over for myself.
I am not a doctor, nurse or pharmacist. I am only a mother.
My job was to be there and care.
That’s what I did.
So friends, if you wonder why those events that you witnesssed have been omitted from our memoir, keep in mind…
the point of our book is to help not to harm.
My ‘Other Mothers’ need stories they can learn from.
We want to stand on the edge of the crazy cliff with them,
not shove them over it.
That’s why we are here. To stand together.
Seizure Mama and Rose
As I am putting the finishing touches on our book,
I keep telling myself to “remember my audience.”
I want our book to help parents of children with epilepsy.
I have honestly documented events in our lives.
I have added a “Seizure Mama Speaks to Parents” after each story.
A letter to parents begins the book.
An epilogue tells about writing the book and blog.
The last chapter is about letting Rose go it alone.
That was always the goal.
What else do you need parents?
I am thankful to have this blog,
so I do not TOTALLY feel this is our ONE SHOT.
I want to do this right.
HELP ME HELP YOU.
I need honesty from my “OTHER MOTHERS.”
Seizure Mama/Flower Roberts
Image by our fabulous publisher JAHBookdesign. Just the beginning…
I appreciated this honest memoir Brain Storms: An Electrifying Journey by Kate Recore.
She did a great job of conveying her years of struggling with epilepsy.
Unfortunately she also had struggles with bad doctors also.
She was misdiagnosed by a male neurologist who diagnoses her issues as mental and emotional NOT physical.
He was forced to change this opinion after a second EEG confirmed seizures.
Insurance HMO’s did not help in Kate’s quest for help.
I got the sense of her maturing as the book chronicles her young adult years of trying to become independent.
She fells that sharing her story will help other young women dealing with sexist or paternalistic physicians.
I am super proud of Katie Scarlett Taylor for blazing a trail for young ladies like my Rose.
Thank you Kate Recore!
Story 26 (September 2002)
After the toxicity scare, we no longer had confidence in neurologist #1. The doctor’s responses to our questions seemed short and unfocused. The drug and dose changes that she recommended seemed random. Our chart of drug changes was full of changes in dosages and seizures.
We asked for a second opinion. This first neurologist sent a letter of introduction for Rose to another neurologist in a different city. The letter described Rose’s condition and drug trials and requested a second look at Rose’s possible treatments for the future. I bet neurologist #1 was happy to pass hot-potato Rose off for some re-enforcements. I appreciated that a second specialist was going to have input into Rose’s care.
Our first visit with neurologist #2 took hours. He was very thorough and reassuring. He wanted to nail down the type and source of these seizures. He felt that Rose had been prescribed too many drugs on too small doses to rule them out as an effective treatment. He wanted Rose in an Epilepsy Monitoring Unit(EMU) to get a video-EEG. He said he felt we had been yawing around the pond of treatment choices.
This was a relief for us. We felt the same way. I was like Rose had been part of a badly designed experiment with too many variables. We were now going to get some hard data we could use to get better results. We finally felt hopeful.
We felt like this doctor heard what we were saying and understood what we were feeling. We didn’t just want to try something new. We wanted what we did next to be the right choice, not just a random change. We needed all the cards to be put on the table. It was time. Rose needed to learn and grow, not fall and fail.
Seizure Mama speaks to parents:
No one doctor knows everything. Each has his/her own training and experiences. It is always good to get a second opinion. Do not be afraid to ask for one. It may be just what you need to get a better result. Your current, struggling physician may appreciate your nicely worded, respectful request.
Do not, however, bounce from one specialist to the next in hopes of finding a quick fix. Patience is needed when trying out drugs and doctors. Do not secretly sneak around because each physician needs to see all your child’s records to make informed decisions and avoid repeating failed treatments.
I would also advise getting a second opinion for any surgical procedure. Even though installing a VNS(vagus nerve stimulator) may be a simple procedure, the device is permanent. You are making decisions for your child. Do it carefully and wisely. Get as much input as is reasonable.
If you feel your epilepsy is holding you back, you may need a dose of Jon Sadler.
I was amazed by his tenacious nature over and over again.
He became an engineer and then earned a masters in counseling.
He sailed boats alone and hiked the Grand Canyon.
He was a scout leader for his sons’ troop.
He kept going through seizures and surgery.
This book will be a confidence booster for any adult with epilepsy.
Jon Sadler shares his amazing history in Sailing Through the Storms of Seizures.
His “no excuses” attitude is catching.
I have been reading another insightful memoir written by a person with epilepsy.
Each one I read brings back memories of our struggles.
Each also reminds me that this is not over for us.
Epilepsy rarely vanishes.
It does, however, hide for long periods.
Rose does not want to know this.
Neither do I.
So we are living like it is gone while we can.
But when it returns,
we will need you.
It will be hard trying to fit our big lives
back into the confined space of seizures.
While she was home for fall break, she dropped her shampoo in the shower.
It was her habit to say something to let me know she was okay.
She did not say anything. I made myself stay in my bed and listen.
Fear is never far away.
We will need you.
(I almost entitled this “She Will Need You”)
We are still tethered together.
Mother and daughter.
Epilepsy and fear.
Story 24: June 2002
Of course epilepsy came on vacation with us. Rose had three seizures during our week at the beach. Two occurred while she was swimming in the pool. She always wore a life jacket in the water and someone stayed an arm’s-length away. I knew it was risky to let her swim, but she loved it so much. We live on a lake so our family and friends swam a lot. We could not forbid Rose from participating in something we all enjoyed together. If she seized in the water, we just held her until the seizure ended and carried her out to a lawn chair to sleep afterward. We suspected extreme temperature changes triggered seizures, and so we tried to avoid the water in the mornings when it was cooler. We also covered Rose with a towel when she got out so she would not get chilled.
Rose also loved the ocean,but swimming with her among the waves made me a complete wreck. I was afraid we would both go under if she seized in the ocean. She was content to go in for only a few minutes and then play in the tidal pools with her shovel searching for little fish and shells, and building sand sculptures.
One day Rose and I had just walked down onto the beach and picked our spot on the edge of a tidal pool. I set down our bags and towels just as Rose fell face first into the sand. I placed her on her side to seize, as I tried to wipe off some of the sand that stuck to her face. A nice lady nearby offered me a bottle of water to wash her off. The seizure soon ended, but Rose was covered in wet, sticky sand. I swaddled her in a towel and sat close beside her to wait out the thirty minutes or so it would take before she woke up. My family could see us from the porch of the condominium, so I knew help would arrive when someone spotted Rose lying still under a towel.
While I was sitting quietly beside Rose, two boys about her age walked by. They were carrying a surfboard, table-fashion, covered with an assortment of shells and seaweed. They both glanced at Rose as they passed, but soon put down their board and walked back to me. They asked what was wrong with Rose. I explained that she had had a seizure but would be fine when she woke up. I asked about the treasures they were carrying on their board. I shared that Rose would have loved to see their haul from the sea if she were awake. They walked back to their board and one returned carrying a giant pin shell. “Give her that when she wakes up” he said. We still have this treasure.
Seizure Mama speaks to parents:
There will be many children who do not understand seizures Some children will be afraid of your child after seeing him/her seize. There will be a stigma. It will be harmful and painful.
There will also be children with great kindness, who will be protective of your fragile child. They will be loyal friends. Relish the memories of the kind kids. They are the angels of this broken world.
Painting the Whole Picture by Joshua Holmes tells the whole story of life with epilepsy.
I was amazed and impressed by Joshua’s family’s efforts to help him overcome his cerebral palsy and epilepsy. This is a book for families. It’s a good model for how to help children by making them do things for themselves instead of enabling. Determination was modeled and encouraged.
Joshua shared his various struggles during grade school, college, careers and living independently. These events were not sugar-coated. He let us see the process of resolving problems.
I admire his tenaciousness and courage. I liked that the book included photos of his family and his art. It made me feel like I know him as a whole person.
This book is another great resource for folks with epilepsy and their families.
Joshua Holmes has written other books. You may want to look him up.
Seizure Mama/Flower Roberts
I have purchased seven more epilepsy books.
I will be sharing my thoughts on each after I read it.
The first is The Sacred Disease; My Life with Epilepsy by Kristin Seaborg, M.D.
I found this to be insightful and helpful.
The memoir follows Kristin’s life from a high fever and seizure as a toddler to adulthood.
I am amazed at her tenaciousness and fortitude.
Kristin finished medical school and gave birth to three children while struggling through trials of many failed medicines and a brain surgery.
She is honest about her feelings and frustrations throughout the whole process.
This book will be helpful to any person going through decades of uncontrolled epilepsy, especially young women of child-bearing age.
I am very grateful to Kristin Seaborg for sharing her story.
I have seen that elephant.
The one that nobody wanted to acknowledge.
The one everyone is now talking about.
I saw it over two decades ago.
In my carport.
I will never forget it.
Its name is SUDEP.
I chased it away by beating on Rose’s back.
I thought she had aspirated vomit.
I threw her four-year-old little body across my knees
and beat on her back. It was a hard beating. I was afraid.
She was blue. She was not breathing. Was she dead?
Her seizure had marched across her whole body.
That seizure parade took over 45 minutes.
The elephant came at the end, instead of Santa or a firetruck.
When I laid her on the floor of my van to start CPR,
a deep breath entered Rose’s chest.
The elephant left us.
That was her first ever non-febrile seizure.
The elephant was Epilepsy’s welcoming committee.
Now everybody knows to look out for it.