The past has come back for a visit. Time has crossed itself.
Revisiting the past is very different from the past coming back.
Maybe it’s the PTSD talking. But I feel that I am being haunted.
I cannot write a THEN and NOW for the ‘Emergency Delivery’ chapter because THEN IS NOW.
It took me ten years to work up the courage to start our book, Seizure Mama and Rose. I took another ten to write terrible drafts. I needed to get far away from the reality to face what happened.
I do not want to be ‘Real-time Seizure Mama.’ That role belongs to Dave, Leigh Ann and Caleb’s mom. They are young, strong and brave. I am not these things. I am tired and damaged.
I just mustered up enough courage to face a past with epilepsy. Where the hell will I find the strength to face a future with it.
Don’t be mad. Don’t feel abandoned. Much has happened that I do not share.
I will be back. I do not know when.
I need to heal a bit.
We need hope. You got any to spare?