Enabling is Disabling

If a person can do something for themselves then he/she should do it for themselves. Enabling a child creates problems that would not have existed. PLEASE do not do more than is necessary as proof of your love.

The message you send by this is damaging. The person becomes dependent. They equate your love with your sacrifice. You will be tested.

I am adamant about NOT feeding wildlife. The animals become dependent on that artificial food source. They stick around and do not forage for themselves. Then the females go into estrus with those extra calories. Now you have more wildlife eating your handouts. This is a never-ending cycle that gets worse with time. You create moochers.

The more you do for your child, the less he/she will do for themselves. If you stop suddenly, they resent it. If you cannot stop, you resent it. Applaud every effort he/she makes to do things independently. You will both celebrate every milestone.

Independence is the goal, NOT dependence. Maybe you can do all your child’s laundry, chores and homework now. You will not be young and energetic forever. You will not be able to do everything for them eventually. Who then?

Do you buy them things to make them feel loved. When you finally retire, you will not be able to afford spoiling him/her with your consolatory gifts that you give to try to make up for the disability. They will want cars and houses instead of toys and candy.

You will get old and he/she will still expect you to take care of them. You will not be able to do this. You will be worn out and tired. He/she will be young, selfish and demanding, not caring and giving. We call this “spoiled.”

Stop yourself RIGHT NOW! TODAY. Break this poisonous pattern. You both will benefit in the long run. They need to be as strong as possible without you. You will not live forever. Do not make them needy, greedy and helpless.

Strong children make strong adults. Independent people make the world better. If dependence is necessary, then all must accept this. But do not be strong for him/her or your child will be deprived of developing his/her own strength.

I made this mistake. I am still struggling to right this wrong. I have stood down and watched Rose rise to the occasion. We are both better people and separately stronger. The tether was broken.

A child as strong as possible is the goal. A child as independent as possible is the goal.

Stand down. Watch what happens.

Mama Bear

Author: Flower Roberts


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