There is something about trauma that sticks with you mentally, emotionally and even physically. It is hard to shake off the baddest of the bad.
This is supposed to help living things survive, but sometimes it is more like poison to people. The memory is too heavy. It gets in the way.
Some folks can talk it out, but that does not work for me. Children draw their traumas because they do not yet have the vocabulary to fully express what they are feeling. I have to write mine out. I write it and re-write it, until it is on paper correctly. Then I can let it go.
Find your own way to GET IT OUT of you. So you can move on with your life. You do not need to lug the baggage around with you. I needed to keep these memories somewhere safe, so I could get to them when I wanted to without constantly carrying them.
I wrote Seizure Mama and Rose three times. It’s original title was Watching Rose Rise, but the search engines needed seizure and epilepsy in the title. Our blog was called Seizure Mama and Rose so we used that name. It think that was wise. More mamas can easily find us.
The last draft of the book was the real catharsis for me. It broke down our traumatic events into stories. Each was a circle of “What happened? What did we learn from it?”
Those pieces were each usable little bits to share instead of a loooooooong and boring memoir. I can easily remember each event by its title. It helped me sort out the trauma and emotions. My whole family was in on picking the 50+ stories. Events that were too sad or not useful to others were omitted. We had our audience in mind at that point.
You do not have to share every bit of your trauma. Just get it out of your head and put it somewhere safe. Use a special journal or sketch book. I still carry paper everywhere I go. I used to have “Journal Emergencies” when I would have to go out to find something to write in. Once I ended up in a kitchen store with a recipe book.
From my heart to yours. Purge the past and move forward. Lighten your load.